Silent Truth

Laying at my bedside
written inscripted in gold
across from it is me
wraped in my red stripe quilt
covering the crown of my head
I look at it on the night stand
reach toward it as a child reaches for her mother
wanted to be lifted into open arms

Closing my eyes
mumbling in curiosity
wondering is it possible for someone to love
such a stranger
So here I am a tatted  street walking shit talking
not a care in the world kind of girl
Yet in the midnight hour when I have no peace of sleep
You stand across from me.

Night Train

Gotta get back to baby
night train taken too long
Dreaming of a place for two
gotta get home gotta get home
 left on  a cold friday
as she slept peacefully on clouds
couldnt wake her up
let her sleep a while
as she dreams as she mumbles
All I have is five dollars to my name
how can I make her wife when I havent a dime to claim

So I will I pack up my toothbrush what little clothes I have
tip toe out blue front door leave a simple note
Its not goodbye but  I’ll see you soon
Promise I’ll return

What man Am I to lie with you If I have no means of value
I see a future of you with my child
a place we call our own
laying here without purpose means I am not a man of my word
gotta hitch a ride on the friday train
lookin for some form of work
I am coming home baby this train is taking too long

Luv

We were so young
foolish rising like the sun
set in our ways
talking from night to day
imagining endless possibilities
how we laid how we drempt
wanting to touch the bottom of your lips place my hand upon your chest and listen to ocean speak
I was just a bird hanging in the tree chirping and then you gave me song
so I sing to your voice whispering in my ear your arms covering me wraping me loving me. Iam chirping flying across the sky singing of you

Creation

she whispered this is how it all began

Imagine a world for him and me.
A place where he is all yet everything I need.
moonlite skys stars hanging as mistletoe
kissing from minutes til hours from sunsets to mornings

laid inside his heartbeat hands swallowed around my every being
he inhales then exhales as I lay in his heartbeat drowning in serenity.
I continue to gaze into his eyes, watch the movement of his lips and whisper
” How doust My God” in the arch of his face the caption of his pause

fingertips sprialing in oval shapes going further below into my love into my own.
he is thee quinch of my thirst
the sea to my island
dawn which brings the coming of the day

This is a one time experience
laying inside around above his spirit
kissing every angle,elbow fingertip listening and humming sweet melodys
I sing ” How doust My God”

God answers “Call him adam for he is yours eve!”

ADVOCATE

Iam his, Iam hers, I am their sounding voice
Iam the trumpet leading their alarm
I am the quilt that sheilds them from harm
We are the voice to the voiceless
the puzzle to their missing pieces
We are the mothers,fathers, and educators of the unique

The gifted generation.
I know some may seem confused
Often wonder how we go about life the way we do
Asking how do you deal with this every day

Kindly inform them God created my child just as he created yours.
He saw something wonderful in them that he had to share with the world.We may not always know what they want or even understand a word they say.
Some of us have ones who say very little or show no emotion of display.

It is moments when they accomplish a goal, learn to say their name or even call out mom or dad. It is a moment that God show us that miracles can always happen. It is the moments that show us they can hear us in the midst of out tears, understand why we fight for their rights of service.

I am my child’s advocate his trumpet leading his alarm. His voice until he finds his own. This is not a job, nor a punishment. This is an honor to be their mothers,fathers and educators of the unique. The gifted generation!

Searching

I am searching for answer that no one seems to understand. I continue to journey for it but I feel it’s way beyond my means. I talk to God about it but he hasn’t called me back , maybe he’ ll give me a ring when he knows what to say. My son is my little light he keeps me still in darkness and when I think I have it bad he gives me some revelation.

He points out toward things that sometimes I take for granted. Food on our table and a roof to sleep under he reminds me without God where would we be without it. Although my question involes my light and shining son but God resumes to remind me he may be autistic but smarter than most can be.

How I Feel

Finding out your child has autism has changed my whole perspective on life. It may me more patient, even when the days are hard. When I think of it I look at my kids and see the jorney they every day trying to ahead and pick up on the little things that we so often take for granted. This poem is dedicated to my boys.  I call the poem ” How I feel”.

 

Yes I run around in circles

I talk when it’s not my turn

sometimes I may seem clumsy

I’m a little uneasy when it comes to certain sounds.

When you use those phrases what do you really mean?

If you can try to be patient with me, I’m sure I’ll get the hang of things.

It might take me a while but give me a fighting chance,

I have a voice that needs to be heard .

When I am frustrated it’s only because I yearn to learn.

When I cry it should let you know, that I do have feeling too.

They’re expressed very differently but in the end you‘ll see my point of view.

Many times I will talk in scripts so that you can identify.

There’s so much I want to tell you, it’s hard for me to share my side.

I thank you for loving me, you can see that clearly in my eyes.

Even when I look away my love can never hide.

Yes I run around in circles.

I may and may not talk at times.

Your love gets me through each day it gives me peace of mind.

Thankyou Lele

I wish I had more time with you, said thankyou for all the deeds you do. You’ve inspired me to be a better person in life, you taught me that door #1 maybe easier but door #2 is right. When my tears ran you passed the kleenex told me, worrying will not fix anything just call on God ” just pray”.

Thankyou for the time shared, the laughs and cares. Thankyou for wiping the tears away assuring me tomorrow is brighter than the dreary days. I thank God that he placed me in your path because truly knowing you is seeing the beauty of him. I love you Lele

You Deserve Better

There are times where you at a cross road and your wondering which road shall I take? If I choose the one to the right of me will all my past problems, frustrations with him/her be swept under the rug. If I deceide to choose the one to left it’s me all alone again.  Sometimes being alone means respectiing yourself, it may hurt sometimes but It’s better to hurt then to be with someone who will never do you any good. Always in the end remember to choose yourself because you deserve better out of life, love and friendship.

                          Although you have wounded me I refuse to  be bitter , although you trampled over my heart I still will love again !  Yet you continue to visit I shut my eyes and my door, understand  I deserve better and I am not that woman anymore ! Yes you had the power once upon a time but thanks to you I have learned the secrets of your demise. Love is not monoploy, love is not some clue. Love is sweeter than the richest man. Love defines the things I do. To be a woman who cared whether you ate or slept or pooped. A woman who would stand in the street a blind fool for you, I am the definition by any means webster’s dictionary does not define me. You didnt understand what you had so God will show down that lonely path !  I deserver better from the top of my head to the souls of my feet. I deserve love physically, mentally, and emotionally ! I refuse to ponder over spilled milk what’s said is done and buried .  One day you will come to realize what a mistake you have truly made but as me thank you for this life lesson I learned what was needed for me.  God made me a queen stand tall over empires and building beside a good man who deserves a good woman .  In this journey you were a chapter I had to pass but thankfully I understood you were a detour I had to pass . In the end I choose me because I deserve better !                                                                      

Moma D

Mother you taught me how to be a bigger woman in life. You taught me to speak when I felt the need to, You should that love is sacrafice and sometimes you will endure trials and tribulations. You taught me that everyday might not be a sunny one but God will always be inside your corner when you can see anyone there. You showed me how to stand as a woman and never settle for less because it is not in my nature. Mother thank you for loving me when I didnt understand myself, thank you for praying for me when nights were so quiet that I couldnt hear your voice. Thank you for keeping a candle lite for me and prayer in your notebook. Thank you for the little things like fussing at me to clean my room and making sure that my children know how to pray.