Searching

I am searching for answer that no one seems to understand. I continue to journey for it but I feel it’s way beyond my means. I talk to God about it but he hasn’t called me back , maybe he’ ll give me a ring when he knows what to say. My son is my little light he keeps me still in darkness and when I think I have it bad he gives me some revelation.

He points out toward things that sometimes I take for granted. Food on our table and a roof to sleep under he reminds me without God where would we be without it. Although my question involes my light and shining son but God resumes to remind me he may be autistic but smarter than most can be.

How I Feel

Finding out your child has autism has changed my whole perspective on life. It may me more patient, even when the days are hard. When I think of it I look at my kids and see the jorney they every day trying to ahead and pick up on the little things that we so often take for granted. This poem is dedicated to my boys.  I call the poem ” How I feel”.

 

Yes I run around in circles

I talk when it’s not my turn

sometimes I may seem clumsy

I’m a little uneasy when it comes to certain sounds.

When you use those phrases what do you really mean?

If you can try to be patient with me, I’m sure I’ll get the hang of things.

It might take me a while but give me a fighting chance,

I have a voice that needs to be heard .

When I am frustrated it’s only because I yearn to learn.

When I cry it should let you know, that I do have feeling too.

They’re expressed very differently but in the end you‘ll see my point of view.

Many times I will talk in scripts so that you can identify.

There’s so much I want to tell you, it’s hard for me to share my side.

I thank you for loving me, you can see that clearly in my eyes.

Even when I look away my love can never hide.

Yes I run around in circles.

I may and may not talk at times.

Your love gets me through each day it gives me peace of mind.

Thankyou Lele

I wish I had more time with you, said thankyou for all the deeds you do. You’ve inspired me to be a better person in life, you taught me that door #1 maybe easier but door #2 is right. When my tears ran you passed the kleenex told me, worrying will not fix anything just call on God ” just pray”.

Thankyou for the time shared, the laughs and cares. Thankyou for wiping the tears away assuring me tomorrow is brighter than the dreary days. I thank God that he placed me in your path because truly knowing you is seeing the beauty of him. I love you Lele

You Deserve Better

There are times where you at a cross road and your wondering which road shall I take? If I choose the one to the right of me will all my past problems, frustrations with him/her be swept under the rug. If I deceide to choose the one to left it’s me all alone again.  Sometimes being alone means respectiing yourself, it may hurt sometimes but It’s better to hurt then to be with someone who will never do you any good. Always in the end remember to choose yourself because you deserve better out of life, love and friendship.

                          Although you have wounded me I refuse to  be bitter , although you trampled over my heart I still will love again !  Yet you continue to visit I shut my eyes and my door, understand  I deserve better and I am not that woman anymore ! Yes you had the power once upon a time but thanks to you I have learned the secrets of your demise. Love is not monoploy, love is not some clue. Love is sweeter than the richest man. Love defines the things I do. To be a woman who cared whether you ate or slept or pooped. A woman who would stand in the street a blind fool for you, I am the definition by any means webster’s dictionary does not define me. You didnt understand what you had so God will show down that lonely path !  I deserver better from the top of my head to the souls of my feet. I deserve love physically, mentally, and emotionally ! I refuse to ponder over spilled milk what’s said is done and buried .  One day you will come to realize what a mistake you have truly made but as me thank you for this life lesson I learned what was needed for me.  God made me a queen stand tall over empires and building beside a good man who deserves a good woman .  In this journey you were a chapter I had to pass but thankfully I understood you were a detour I had to pass . In the end I choose me because I deserve better !                                                                      

Moma D

Mother you taught me how to be a bigger woman in life. You taught me to speak when I felt the need to, You should that love is sacrafice and sometimes you will endure trials and tribulations. You taught me that everyday might not be a sunny one but God will always be inside your corner when you can see anyone there. You showed me how to stand as a woman and never settle for less because it is not in my nature. Mother thank you for loving me when I didnt understand myself, thank you for praying for me when nights were so quiet that I couldnt hear your voice. Thank you for keeping a candle lite for me and prayer in your notebook. Thank you for the little things like fussing at me to clean my room and making sure that my children know how to pray.

Mother

A mother is a beacon of maternal tenderness and  affection. She is the nurturer of a child and that motherly love and instinct never dies because this child is a gift from God and she was choosen to care for it and love him/her forever. No matter if your one, twernty or thirty .We still have that mother nature in us to tell them how we feel and love them even when their mad at you. My mother has always told me that above all things I am a mother first and you are my cub no matter how old you are. Thank you Mom for carrying me inside your womb those long  nine months as mother now I truly understand what changes your body went through to bring me into this world, thank you for teaching me the difference between right and wrong and loving me for who I am inside and out. Thank you for challenging me to be more and do more with my life. Thank you for seeing the good in me when I could not see it in myself. Thank you for the hugs and kisses and tears. You are my perfect Queen and I am blessed to have a mother like you !

Missed But Never Forgotten

I wanted to dedicate this poem to a friend who lost someone very special in her life. If you reading this understand that person is always with you even when you cant see, sense or comprehend it. We all have lost someone in some point in time but remember as hard as it may be, we’ll see them again even when we are in our lowest point of greif God is there and so are they.

Dont cry  just smile for me

I  may gone but not far away

Close your eyes and see my face

I may gone but not far away

Comfort each other in your time of greif

I fought a good battle, and now Iam free

Though at time you understanding is weary

and clouded by the pain

Remember Iam in a place where pain does not exist

I may be gone but not far away

Cherrish our memories, laugh when the tears come falling

I am closer in your heart then you’ll every comprehend

I may be gone but far away

I love you  so much you  made life worth every breath

My children, my babies how you made me proud

I may be gone but not far away

Hold each , Love each other remember my words & live happily

This is only a journey you will see me again

I may be gone but not far away 

 

MY Friends My Sista’s

Iam grateful that God has place you in my path, Grateful that in you I found a SISTA. A Sista who could always feel my pain and share my joy, a Sista on days would tell me I was wrong even when I didnt want to listen. It is rare to have a friend and Sista, not related but just as close as the sky and sun. My Friends My Sista’s who I joke around with and yet still sang melodys and shared poetic stories of best seller lives we called our novels. Sista’s how you stood by your beliefs and never let a single person hinder your shiny day!  My Friends My sista’s how we discuss if all men just came with warning labels on their foreheads, then we would understand the necessity to love them or leave them !

When we cried oh.. how God looked down on us and made the clouds crash thunderbolts, Holding hands in the midst of tears, we prayed and spoke our minds until nights became our better days instead of our weary ones. My Friends are my Sista’s who understood that I choose my child instead of my career, my sista’s who still shake their hips with such beat that men become speechless. I am talking to my sista’s who walk and still do it with grace and style.  Motivators, speakers, and biblical preachers to my illustrations of womanhood.  My Friends are MY SISTA’S

Woman’s Worth

I sing in the bathroom to hear the echoI exhale in order to toss the negativity into the garbage disposal

I dance, I dance until I burn a whole in the floor

I dance until my shoes speak  scriptures

I scream in a pillow when days are frustrating

Drink my orange juice while looking at the birds in the trees chirp

Talk to God wherever I am and know he is right here with me

Take a picture of my son before he gets on the bus, and place him

In the arms of God’s angels when he is not in my sight .

I write until my hand hurts and all the pain is put into ink and written on this paper.

I become silent and listen to everything surrounding me .

I am a mother, God blessed me to carry these blessing for nine months

Working mother providing love even if I am away

Spouse above all I am a soul mate and there for companionship of love, life

And promise. These things sealed in my heart, carried in my womb, and banded on

My ring. I am woman and Iam here, loud and proud.

Sweet Slumber

Into the dream world I shall go, filled with angels treats and so . A place for me and my fantasy’s, a dream place where I can be everything! A giant, fish, a magincian or bear in my dreamworld I dream I dare. Rollercoaster rides and delicious sweets rinding clouds around the galazy. Yellow, silver, blue and night how the stars gleam so bright. In dream land there so much joy the trees they dance and sing and soar.When it purs bubbles float. They do not burst they float, they float. Let your pillow be your guide into dream land as you close your eyes . When you awake look toward another day remeber dream land is only a sweet slumber away.